Home of Maeryn Lamonte – The Girl Inside
Antoine de Saint Exupéry
To live is to be slowly born. Change is inevitable, inexorable, inescapable, but it isn’t immediate. Even the most profound of events changes us only very slowly.
The degree and direction of change is different for each of us as well. We all possess an individuality to our personalities – our nature if you will – which affects how we each respond to the events of our lives. Like the texture of an artist’s canvas, or the shapes that lay hidden in a piece of stone or wood, waiting for the sculptor to reveal them, we each have something different about us; something unique.
Every day we face choices of how we should respond to the events trying to shape us. Do we allow them to conform us to a norm so that we can fit into society, or do we resist the change in order to allow our own personalities to shine through? Sometimes there is reason to fight the parts of our nature that make us different; when they are potentially harmful to ourselves, or to others. When they are simply different from the norm and harm no-one, though, they can add richness and variety to life. Resisting the the world’s demand for conformity means we allow something new and potentially beautiful to rise to the surface, as when a wood carver carves with the grain and around the knots that lie within the wood in order to bring out the shapes inside.
I have spent a great deal of my life fighting something that I felt was wrong in me; something that I was led to believe made me different, and perhaps unacceptable to the majority of people I meet every day. I have tried to change that part of my nature, but I have found that, not only has the capacity for change eluded me, but I have begun to doubt whether it is even necessary.
Oscar Wilde once said, Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. He lived in a time when the laws of our country declared homosexuality to be a crime, and he spent time in prison as a result of his own predilections. I can understand his desire to live according to his nature, and modern laws reflect that this is not unreasonable.
For myself the battle has not been with alternative sexuality, but gender. Modern law also supports those who are transgendered, but it is an area where little enough is known, and, as with homosexuality, there is a lag between what the law dictates and the way society as a whole responds to those affected.
A few years ago, I decided to stop fighting to become someone I evidently couldn’t be, and instead started to explore the part of my nature I had been trying to change. Most of this I have done through writing fictional stories exploring what it means to be transgendered. In total this amounts to nearly a million words written on the subject. I won’t pretend that I understand it, but I think I have discovered some insights. Other members of the transgendered community have commented on some of my writing, that I manage to speak exactly into their situation – something that isn’t hard to believe since it speaks as much into my own.
The stories on this site consist of most of what I have written on the subject. There is some course language, there is some erotic content – although this I have tried to keep to a minimum. What there is for the most part (I hope) is enjoyable and thought provoking fiction. There is also some degree of my faith that comes through, and for this I make no apology, either to the non-believer who doesn’t want to face God, or to the believer who thinks that God has no place on a site like this. On the latter point, I believe the exact opposite. God belongs in just such a place as this, because everyone should hear how much they are loved by Him, especially those who have been led to believe they don’t deserve to be loved.
I hope you will read on and, if anything I have written here is of help, that you will let me know.